


Lolz Conquers All

by yuletide_archivist



Category: LOLcats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-19
Updated: 2008-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 07:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1638605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tale of love, lulz, and the pursuit of happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lolz Conquers All

**Author's Note:**

> All misspellings in Link's dialogue are intentional, but I'm sure you already knew that :)   
>  Link cat is based on this little guy:   
> http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff181/painsprayers/Link.jpg   
> While Fifi is a figment of my own imagination, with heavy inspiration from : http://faildogs.com/ 
> 
> Written for lessthanpie

 

 

Far, far away, in the vast country of Internetia, tucked away between Forumdale and Chantopia, in the county of Macrosville, was the city of Lollington.   
A rather pleasant place, inhabited by the Lolcats, Lollington was the ideal place for a vacation...the sun shone brightly every day, the Lolcows (Cheezburgers were the number one source of economy in Lollington) would graze lazily in the fields...  
However...things weren't always so peaceful.  
On the outskirts of Lollington...past the Rofl River and the Lmao Lake, was the neighboring city of Failtown.  
Failtown was inhabited by the Faildogs, and was as different as could be. The two towns had been feuding for ages it seemed...the Faildogs accusing the Lolcats of being uncivilized, while the Lolcats had accused the Faildogs of being...well, failures.  
"You are teh fail at everything!" the Lolcats would screech.   
"You're all barbarians!" the Faildogs would shout back.  
What the Lolcats and Faildogs were oblivious to, however, was something happening right beneath their very noses.  
A Lolcat and a Faildog had fallen in love.  
It was impossible, all the others had said...turning up their noses at the very thought.   
A Lolcat and a Faildog...together...what a ridiculous thought that was. The two should simply never BE...  
But it had happened, and while no one knew just WHO the star crossed lovers were, there were plenty of rumors and speculation...for the two involved had managed to keep it a secret.   
Could it be Serious Cat and One Legged Chihuahua? Or Longcat and the asthmatic Dachshund with the metal plate? It was decided that everyone in Lollington and everyone in Failtown was to be on high alert and report any suspicions to their respective city coucil...so the traitors could recieve a proper punishment...anything from being given a public bath in the town square (for the Lolcats...quite the humiliating ordeal)...or being forced to wear a plastic cone for the rest of their days (for the Faildogs)...  
Or possibly something much, much worse.  


It was only under the veil of darkness that the two were able to meet...and only once a week, in the secluded Fail Forest, under the tallest, fullest Faget Tree...but it was like clockwork, every week, the same day, the same time...  
Except for tonight.  
Tonight, one of them was late.  
Link Cat, a tiny orange Lolcat in a green hood, had been waiting for what seemed like hours...it wasn't like Fifi to be this late...but then again...she WAS a Faildog. Maybe she'd gotten lost again...or maybe her peg leg was giving her trouble...  
He began to nibble nervously at his brittle kitten claws, shaking in the cold air. What if she'd gotten discovered? What if one of the other Faildogs had found out about their late night rendezvous? What if they were holding her prisoner?  
His whiskers began to twitch and he suddenly felt warm breath on the back of his neck...and his instincts kicked in. Within a moment, he'd whipped around and sunk his claws into whatever was behind him...and was met with a loud, sharp yelp.  
"LINK!" came a shrieking cry.  
"Fifi?!" he shouted in surprise, reeling back...to find that he'd swatted at his girlfriend.  
"Oh noes, Fifi! I is teh sorry!"  
"It's fine..." sighed the poodle, holding her bleeding nose. "Relax, it's just me!"  
Link gave a small, sympathetic meow and nudged her cheek.  
She smiled a bit in response. "Sorry I'm late...I got stuck crawling under a fence...and then I almost got run over by a blind German Shepherd in a wheelchair..."  
"I waz worrid!"   
"I'm sorry..." Fifi sighed, licking the tiny kitten at her feet, on the top of his head, nearly dislodging his hood.  
"Hay! Watch teh headgear!"  
"Sorry..." she laughed, finally sitting down on her haunches, balancing on the peg-leg she'd been hobbling on since her bizarre accident at the dentists' office several years ago.  
Link began to purr, rubbing up against his much larger companion...Fifi had been the only one in the county of Macrosville to make him feel useful and...well, normal. Lollington had begun to shun him once he discovered the Legend of Zelda videogame series...sure, he was no good at the game himself, for he lacked thumbs...but he'd come to admire that yellow haired elf guy in the green.  
While his family and friends had been quick to dismiss them as delusional, Fifi had supported him all the way...for she knew what it was like.  
She was, after all, the failing-est dog in all of Failtown.  
Maybe Link was a bit delusional. He didn't seem to have any sort of qualms about falling in love with a 3 legged poodle with an eyepatch...  
"Fifi...?" he said suddenly, tilting his small head up at her, blinking his wide kitten eyes. "We has been together for long tiem, has we?"  
"Yes, Link. A long time."  
"I want to always has you."  
"Me too."  
With that, the orange tabby coiled around his girlfriend once again, purring as loud as could be.  
"You may be Faildog...but if I can't has you...I don't wanna has anyone else...I want to has you moar than cheezburgers...the finest cheezburgers in de world..."  
Fifi laughed, her floppy poodle ears bouncing...suddenly stopping when she realized that Link was on his hind legs before her...a silver ring in his paw.  
"Fifi...Can I has you as my wief?"  
The dog's face paled, her jaw dropping. "Oh, Link..."  
"...we cud run away! Jus' me and you...we could has a house in Italee...or Mexico...or even Flor-duh! I has to has you, Fifi...I don't care if it's teh wrong!"  
"Yes."  
"I don't care what teh others has to sa- wait, you say yes?"  
Fifi's heart froze in fear...and images began to flash before her eyes...the last thing she needed was yet another failure to cement her place as the failing-est of them all...a plastic cone on her head...or perhaps a full-body shave, all of her soft, grey fur gone...or something worse...but what could be worse?   
Few things, when you're already the town misfit. What if they didn't get away in time? They'd be destined to remain the laughingstocks of Macrosville...  
But...she loved Link. And she'd stay with him, paw and paw...neither of them had ever fit in particularly well in their respective towns...maybe they could run off...start a new life together somewhere in Chantopia...find a nice bungalo...have some Lolpuppies or Failkittens...and fur grew back, didn't it? They could be laughingstocks together.  
After all...Fifi may have been a Faildog, but she was still a dog...every bit as loyal as one should be.  
"Yes."   
"Yes??"  
"Yes!"  
Their eyes met for a moment...and then they embraced, a small cat in the bony arm and wooden leg of a grey poodle.   
The finally pulled away...and Link got to work on trying to slide the ring onto Fifi's paw...but decided against it when they realized she didn't really have any fingers. They tossed it aside...after all, what were a cat and a dog going to do with a ring?  
"We can't tell anyonez!" shrieked Link, clasping his fiance's large paw in his. "It has to be seekret!" "Oh...I'm no good at keepin' secrets...!" wailed Fifi. "Remember what happened last time I was supposed to keep a secret? I wound up with third-degree burns all over my-"  
"Dis at teh important! Dint you ever hear of Romeo an' Juliet? Dis could ruin everyting! If teh others find out..."  
"Yes, yes...alright...a secret." Fifi smiled and leaned foward to bump noses with Link.  
"You mayz be failure...but you's my failure." he said with another satisfied purr. "Now...hows about we make us some cheezburgerz to celebrate?"  
Fifi grinned. "That sounds good..." she said with a tail wag. This was going to be fine...they'd keep it a secret...and then they'd be off to Mexico. She'd always wanted to see Mexico.  
And with that, the two of them were on their way out of the forest...confident with their confidentiality. 

However...they had not been alone.  


Ceiling cat, high above the trees, from his perch in the celestial ceiling, the clouds over the Fail Forest... had seen all.  
"Tiem to be gettingz teh bathtub ready." he purred with a smirk of self-satisfaction. 

 


End file.
